Dating - Godly Relationship Advice

By Laura H

I have all of this information that I have gathered on Christian relationships, and Christian marriages. You should be able to have a general idea of how to answer these four questions.

1. What does being a Christian mean to you?

2. How important is your faith to you?

3. How important is religion to you?

a. Meaning, how important is being Christian to you?

i. This is different from the second question because I'm talking about labeling yourself as a Christian.

ii. This is important, because if you are proud of labeling yourself as a Christian, than you will be proud to have a "Christian" woman for a girlfriend or wife.

iii. The thing about that is this: Just because someone is a Christian, (labeling themselves as a Christian) doesn't mean that they are walking closely with God and Jesus.

iv. Also, some people can be judgmental about what church people go to. You should talk to your love interest about the kind of church that he/she goes to, and if it's different from yours, ask him/her if he/she would ever be willing to change denominations. This can be a "deal-breaker" for certain Christian couples.

b. You have to know where you stand with God, and have an idea of where you are in your walk with God. You should be able to realize to a certain point what God has done for you in your life, and how God can use you to help others. If you are good at explaining your testimony, that part would fit in here.

c. It's important to know this about yourself, so when you are communicating with a man/woman, and asking him/her where she is in her spiritual walk with God, for you to share what you feel is necessary: To let him/her know the answers to all of the above questions. Let him/her know how important being Christian is to you, and about your walk with God. Let the man/woman know if you are a man/woman of strong faith or not. Don't exaggerate or lie to try to impress the man/woman. God wants us to share the truth with each other in love. (Ephesians 4:15)

4. What is it that you are looking for in a relationship?

When someone said to me, "A nice Christian lady", that is similar to what some other Christian men look for in a woman. It's just that there are a lot of "nice Christian ladies" out there, and you have to separate the strong Christians from the others. Not everyone is at the same point in their spiritual walk with God. You might be further along than the other person, or the other person might be further along with you. Some people in a Christian relationship break up with each other because of that fact. Depending on you and him/her, that fact might not matter. I'm only mentioning this, because some Christians will not go out with other Christians because they feel that the other person is not on their same level of spirituality. It says in the bible that we are to build each other up in Christ. That is the whole point of being in relationships. Just from talking to him/her seeing how he/she acts when he/she's around you, and the both of you interacting, both of you will form your own opinions of each other. I pray that your personalities match up very well and that you have fun together. Because friends should have fun together, and a successful marriage should be based on a strong friendship. A husband and wife should be best friends. I also hope that you can agree with him/her on certain issues, such as spiritual issues. If you don't agree on an issue (such as baptism of babies in the church, predestination, or following the Bible literally (some churches stress the importance of women wearing head coverings in church), than you will have to decide if you really care that you and him/her can put your theological differences aside, and if you two can be in a Christian relationship as a boyfriend and girlfriend, and respect each others wishes. I know a certain Christian couple who were going out as boyfriend and girlfriend, and an issue was brought up about one of them switching churches and being baptized in another church. That might be important to you, or to him/her. Maybe he/she just wants to have a Christian partner in his/her life with good morals, and it won't matter what church he/she goes to. Just keep in mind that usually when two people are married, that they go to the same church, unless the Holy Spirit leads them elsewhere. So it's important for the both of you to know whether or not to stay in the same church right now, and if one of you would be willing to join the other persons church, or find a different church for the both of you.

You have to separate the conservative Christians from the liberal Christians. That might sound weird, so what I mean by that, is the whole decision making process of a Christian, and each persons morals are different - meaning, some Christians think drinking is OK, and some are completely against it. If you and him/her do not agree on a certain moral issue, it might not be a problem, (just accept and respect each others opinion, and move on to the next issue). But for example, I will not go out with a drinker, a smoker, or someone who uses drugs. I will not make exceptions to that rule. Just stick to your morals, and don't change them for anyone or anything, unless you feel that it might be the right thing to compromise some of your morals to be with another person. (I just don't agree with that though, but that's me, I'm not him/her, I'm not the one considering being in a relationship with you.)

Every woman is different and has her own set of wants or needs. I could send you certain information about what I think Christian people look for in a partner, but those are my own conclusions. I do not know what he/she wants. You might want to ask him/her that. The best piece of advice that I can give you is this:

BE YOURSELF! Show interest in him/her, in what he/she is saying, her thoughts, compliment her sometimes, but sincerely mean it. It could be anything, "I like your smile, I like the way you laugh, Nice shirt it really brings out the brown in your eyes" (or whatever color his/her eyes are. Let him/her know what your interests are, and show a sincere interest in getting to know his/her interests better. If he/she is into something, like soccer, and you aren't, be honest, and say you aren't into playing that sport, but (if it's the truth), say that you'd be willing to play the game with her to make him/her happy. That is one BIG thing that some husbands and wives can complain about, that they don't do enough activities together. You and he/she are entitled to have your own set of different interests, but see if there are any shared interests between you too. It doesn't make sense to go out with someone if you don't have any shared interests, unless you fully believe that all you need is something else in common, whether it be politics, a strong opinion on a certain issues, or in this case, Christianity. Just remember that there are a lot of Christians out there, and hopefully someone's personality will match up with yours, and you two will just be really good together.

Keep yourself and the other person in prayer. You deserve to be happy with a Christian partner.

He/she should be willing to listen about what you do for work, and show a sincere interest in it, even if he/she doesn't understand what you are talking about. He/she should show appreciation towards you, and respect the idea of what you want to do for work. If he/she doesn't, there could be a problem in the future, because it has happened with other people.

Always remember these great communication skills. Keep the faith, hope, and strength that you will find someone someday.